


come on, let's do a sibling dance

by reptilianraven



Category: Hades (Video Game 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Family Shenanigans, Gen, HWP (Humor Without Plot), Humor, M/M, a fundamental misunderstanding of how stocks forex or bitcoin works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:03:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27992718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reptilianraven/pseuds/reptilianraven
Summary: “Hypnos, that is a rat.”“This—” Hypnos walks over to the cage, opening it and taking the rat into his hands. He brandishes it toward Thanatos proudly. “—Is our new roommate! And I love him to bits already so if you say no, I will cry on you for a month.”“Charon,” Thanatos turns to Charon, who has been sitting on the couch this entire time drinking what seems to be wine in a mug, just watching this rat-centric spectacle. “You can’t possibly approve of this.”Charon sets his mug down on the coffee table and signs, “I like to watch the rat scurry.”-Living in New York is hell normally, yes, but living in New York in an apartment with his brothers is a special kind of bespoke megahell tailor made just for Thanatos himself.
Relationships: Megaera/Thanatos/Zagreus (Hades Video Game), Thanatos & Hypnos & Charon (Hades Video Game)
Comments: 47
Kudos: 485





	come on, let's do a sibling dance

**Author's Note:**

> i know than and hypnos are twins but for AU reasons i made hypnos a few years younger. i also want to make it clear i am certified to write this fic because i am a middle child with one younger sibling and two older ones
> 
> no beta or proofreading, we die like zagreus

Thanatos is lying in bed with Zagreus and Megaera. Zagreus lays on his chest, idly drawing patterns against Thanatos’ skin, while Megaera lies back into her pillows, watching one of Zagreus’ rare silences. 

The silence doesn’t last for long, because Zagreus hums and looks up at them both. 

“How come we never go to your place, Than?” Zagreus says.

“Well—” Thanatos says awkwardly.

“You got a problem with my apartment, Zag?” Megaera says mischievously, poking Zagreus’ side.

“No, no, not at all!” Zagreus laughs, swatting Megaera’s hand away. “It’s just, I know why we never go to my place, because it’s small and terrible, but I don’t know why we don’t go to yours. Do you have asbestos walls?”

“I don’t have asbestos walls,” Thanatos deadpans. Then, he sighs. “But I do have brothers.”

In Thanatos’ opinion, this is sometimes on par with having asbestos walls.

-

Here’s how it goes:

Years after all of them had gone their separate ways and moved away from home, Thanatos and his brothers had each of their lives individually go to shit. Thanatos was out of a job because the law firm he was working at decided to close down, Charon’s business tanked and went bankrupt, and Hypnos had just been respectfully told halfway through his relevant training that, despite the fact he has a degree in Psychology, he’s simply too fucking rude to be a good therapist.

There they were, three brothers with no idea what to do next.

So of course they move to New York together. 

The three of them had been able to find an apartment that miraculously wasn’t a complete shithole _and_ they could afford it if they all pitched in. After that, life started to look up for all of them.

Thanatos had found a good position at a big corporate law firm, he had met Megaera working there and they began dating, and together they had found Zagreus by chance at a nearby bar. It’s tough, juggling a healthy polyamorous relationship with his job, but Thanatos makes it work, and he feels pretty good about where he is in his life right now. 

Charon had allegedly gotten into the stock market, or cryptocurrency, or forex trading. Thanatos isn’t actually sure which one it is, because Charon refuses to talk about what he does for a living, but he gets his part of the rent in on time, so Thanatos figures that whatever it is, it must be going well. 

Hypnos had bounced around a lot between jobs before he had finally got a good spot as a secretary for some fashion magazine. Thanatos has no idea how Hypnos manages to actually do this well, but he hasn’t been fired yet, and Thanatos would rather not jinx it. 

So objectively, their living arrangement works well.

Subjectively, however, having his brothers as roommates makes Thanatos blood pressure inch higher every day.

“Hypnos!” Thanatos calls out to the hall as he stands in the living room, looking at the huge multi-level shelf sized cage now sitting there in the corner. 

Inside the cage, there is a rat happily running around. 

“Hi, Than,” Hypnos grins as he walks out of his room sluggishly, his blanket draped around him like a cloak. He looks at Thanatos looking at the cage. “Oh, I see you’ve met Snoozles!”

“Snoozles,” Thanatos says, pained. “Hypnos, that is a rat.”

“This—” Hypnos walks over to the cage, opening it and taking the rat into his hands. He brandishes it toward Thanatos proudly. “—Is our new roommate! And I love him to bits already so if you say no, I will cry on you for a month.”

“Charon,” Thanatos turns to Charon, who has been sitting silently on the couch this entire time drinking what seems to be wine in a mug, just watching this rat-centric spectacle. “You can’t possibly approve of this.”

Charon sets his mug down on the coffee table and signs, “ _I like to watch the rat scurry._ ”

Which, according to arbitrary sibling hierarchy rules Thanatos begrudgingly subscribes to, signals that that is the end of the conversation.

-

“Wait, you have brothers?” Zagreus sits up to look at Thanatos, curiosity in his gaze. “Why am I only learning this now? Do they suck?”

“They don’t...suck,” Thanatos says. “It’s just—”

“Than loves his brothers dearly,” Megaera leans over to ruffle Thanatos’ hair. “He’s just too much of a repressed idiot to ever admit it.”

“I am not—repressed—”

“You are, you so are.”

“Huh,” Zagreus says. “I’d love to meet them.”

That makes Thanatos panic. Just a little bit. “Do you not remember what a disaster it was when we met Meg’s sisters? Tisiphone accused you of manslaughter.”

“Misunderstandings happen.”

“Alecto tried to _stab you_.”

“Not the first time somebody’s tried that.”

“I think it’d be fun,” Megaera says, a slightly evil smile on her face. “Imagine Zagreus and I, with how we are, in the same room with Charon and Hypnos, with how _they_ are.”

Thanatos puts his hands into his face and groans.

-

Here’s how it goes:

Thanatos, Hypnos, and Charon live together, and it’s mostly fine. In terms of issues, he runs into most of them with Hypnos. Despite the fact that they’re closer in terms of age, they’re extremely different in terms of demeanor. Hypnos is laid back while Thanatos likes having control over everything, Hypnos is naturally messy while Thanatos keeps things in meticulous order, Hypnos is the type to shrug and go “Well, that’s life!” while Thanatos would not rest until he finds a solution. He and Hypnos clash a lot, but they both live with it, and they live with it well enough that they’re both evidently still alive and unmurdered by the other.

Charon is somebody Thanatos and Hypnos rarely bump heads with. He’s concentrated on his work, he never meddles in business that isn’t his, and is so private about his life that it almost never bleeds into Thanatos and Hypnos’.

Almost.

“Hypnos!” Thanatos flicks Hypnos on the forehead where he is sleeping on the couch. 

“Whuh!” Hypnos bolts up, his eye mask still rendering him blind. “I’m up, I’m up!”

“I keep telling you not to do this,” Thanatos says impatiently, gesturing at the duffel bag in the middle of the floor. Hypnos removes his eye mask and blinks blearily at it, then up at Thanatos. “Don’t leave your things lying around on the floor.”

“Oh, huh,” Hypnos says in between a yawn. “What a surprise, that’s not actually mine.”

“What?” Thanatos’ eyebrows scrunch up in confusion. “Well, it isn’t mine either, so it must be...Charon’s?”

“Weird,” Hypnos stretches like a cat as he stands, walking over to the duffle bag and crouching next to it. “He isn’t the type to leave his stuff outside. But then again, he did look awful tired when he came home last night. I thought he would rest if off today, but nope! He left this morning.”

“Do you think we should put the bag in his room?” Thanatos asks.

“You know he says we’re not allowed in there,” Hypnos looks up at Thanatos, grinning. “Let’s do it!”

“Ugh, nevermind.” Thanatos pinches the bridge of his nose. “The fact that you agree with me cements that it’s actually a bad idea.”

“Awwww, come on, you’re no fun.” Hypnos pouts. Then, he looks down at the bag, fingers toying with its zipper. “Let’s at least take a looksie at what’s in it!”

“No, that’s a breach of privacy!—” Before Thanatos can stop Hypnos, Hypnos pulls the zipper open with his terrible sneaky raccoon hands and—

“Uh,” Hypnos says.

“Uh,” Thanatos says.

Inside the duffel bag is an obscene amount of cash. 

“Charon is a mob boss,” Hypnos says quietly.

“Don’t be ridiculous, he isn’t a mob boss.” 

“How else do duffel bags full of cash spawn, Than?”

“There must be a logical explanation to this, this could be—bitcoin, I don’t know.”

“Bitcoin and mob boss have the same number of syllables. Illuminati.”

“That makes _no sense whatsoever._ ”

A knock at the door interrupts their bickering. 

“It’s them” Hypnos says, zipping the bag closed. “The mob.”

“It’s not the mob,” Thanatos sighs as he walks to the door, looking through the peephole and seeing a very brightly dressed individual. “It’s a hipster.”

Thanatos opens the door to reveal the bright hipster in question, rocking on his soles and smiling up at Thanatos sweetly.

“Hello!” The man says. “You must be Charon’s younger brothers, yeah? Pleasure! I’m Hermes, Charon’s—”

“You're his mob assistant, aren’t you?” Hypnos says, hiding behind Thanatos. “And Charon is a mob boss, isn’t he?”

“Please ignore him,” Thanatos says, voice strained. 

Hermes just laughs. “I’m Charon’s, hm, let’s say I’m his _professional associate_.”

“Why did you say that like that?” Hypnos says suspiciously.

Thanatos flicks the top of Hypnos’ head.

“You guys seem cool,” Hermes says, amused. “My professional associate sent me to get something he forgot, a black duffel bag.”

“Oh my god,” Hypnos says. “I’m right. Than, I’m—”

“Yes, Charon left something like that,” Thanatos says calmly as he puts Hypnos into a headlock and presses his hand over Hypnos’ mouth, trying to suppress his grimace when Hypnos licks his palm like the horrible little gremlin he is. “Let me go get it, then you can be on your way.”

“Cool,” Hermes nods, and Thanatos can feel his bemused gaze looking as Thanatos walks back into the apartment, Hypnos in tow so that he stops being a little shit. He walks back to the door and hands the duffel bag of cash over to Hermes. “Thanks! It was nice meeting you!”

Hermes kicks the heels of his shoes together, rollerskates clicking out of his soles. He then zips down the hallway, waving goodbye.

Hypnos, still in Thanatos’ headlock, taps out on Thanatos’ arm. Thanatos releases him with a sigh.

“So Charon is totally a mob boss,” Hypnos says the moment he can. “He’s a mob boss with a manic pixie dream twink as his assistant and/or boytoy and/or—”

“Hypnos, I am begging you, stop saying words.”

-

“Have you met Than’s brothers?” Zagreus looks to Megaera.

“Nope,” Megaera says easily, her smile a little sad. “Which is fine. I know I’m not an easy person to introduce to the family.”

“Oh, I know that feeling,” Zagreus laughs self-deprecatingly. 

“Hey, no,” Thanatos sits up, looking his partners in the eye. “None of this is on you guys, please understand that. I love you two, and you’re right Meg, I do love my brothers too. I haven’t introduced you two to them because—I worry.” Thanatos ducks his head slightly, honesty always making him feel odd. “What if you don’t all get along?”

Megaera tips his head up and says, “You need to stop assuming the worst of everything, Than.”

“Yeah,” Zagreus leans in to press a soft kiss to Thanatos’ lips. “And if things do end up being a disaster, we’ll all work through it. Together.”

“You two are too good to me,” Thanatos says, wondering how he got so lucky. “I’ll introduce you to them.” He says. Then, he adds, “But Hypnos is banned at our usual bar, so we’ll have to find another place.”

-

Here’s how it goes:

Surprisingly well, actually. 

They all meet up in a bar, one that Hypnos isn’t banned from, and over a few beers and fries, Zagreus and Megaera get to know Thanatos’ brothers. Zagreus gets along swimmingly with Hypnos; he’s just snarky enough to keep up with Hypnos’ rudeness, something that Thanatos can clearly see delights Hypnos to no end. Megaera, because of Tisiphone, is also fluent in sign language, and she and Charon seem to be having fun, comfortably trading signs over the table in relaxed conversation.

Thanatos doesn’t smile often, but plied warmer with good beer and surrounded by the people he cares about having a good time, he can’t help but let a small smile grace his face.

They’re all rather drunk and stupid when Zagreus’ phone goes off on the table, buzzing incessantly. Thanatos can see the caller ID labeled simply as FUCK YOU. Zagreus sighs, fumbling to answer the call and accidentally putting his phone on loudspeaker.

“What do you want, asshole?” Zagreus drawls easily at his phone. “I’m having a good time and you’re being a buzzkill.”

“I want you to cease your impudent behavior and return to your studies!” Says the voice on the other end of the call and—

Megaera and Thanatos look at each other, recognizing that voice immediately.

Oh no.

On the other side of the table, Hypnos perks up at the prospect of drama. Charon simply raises an eyebrow.

“What so I can work for you and your lifeless law firm?” Zagreus rolls his eyes. “I think not. Hanging up now!”

“Do NOT—”

“Bye, Dad!” Zagreus ends the call.

Oh _no._

“Dad,” Megaera says, her voice strained. “You called him ‘Dad’”

“Uh,” Zagreus says. “Yeah?”

“You called him ‘Dad’,” Thanatos puts his face into his hands. “Because he is...your father.”

“What’s going on?” Zagreus tilts his head, confused.

“Your dad—” Megaera says, massaging her temples. “—is our boss.”

A beat of silence.

Then, horribly, the _raucous_ laughter of both his brothers. _Both_ of them. 

“You guys are fucking your boss’ son! Holy fucking shit!!” Hypnos hollers between wheezing laughter, quickly patting Charon’s shoulder. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!”

Charon, with a sly smile on his face, quickly signs back, “ _Oh my god, indeed._ ”

“I’m going to kill both of you,” Thanatos says as Zagreus and Megaera, hysterically, join in the laughter. “Actually, no, I’m going to kill all of you.”

Thanatos, until the end of his days, will never admit that he starts to laugh along with them all as well.

**Author's Note:**

> title is a lyric from Siblings by Brian David Gilbert
> 
> im [actualbird](http://actualbird.tumblr.com/) on tumblr!!!


End file.
